Vincent Wong - Hold the front page

Late news: local industrialist puts his foot in it.

I've had one of my most exciting ideas for a long time, although I'm not sure where it came from.

I am going to endow a technology development laboratory, and Wong Corporation can use the innovative ideas that come out of it, thus ensuring that we remain at the forefront of technology into the next millennium.

We will name it Wong Labs, after my illustrious father, our chief executive.

Who knows, I said to my IT manager Henry: maybe we will invent the next ATM.

'If you could invent a useful version of this one it'd help,' he said, and went back to stripping cables.

The trouble with engineers is they are all work and no vision. I expect Wong Labs to be quite the opposite.

I have started the ball rolling by putting a small feature in the local paper.

'I think it's important to build a local technology community,' I said to the reporter. 'I feel we have the skills, and we should do something to stop the brain drain from here to Silicon Valley. We're in a global market now.'

I'm not sure his mind was on it, because he didn't seem to be writing anything down, and at the end he asked me whether I thought our local Post Office should open Wednesday afternoons.

The local paper today carried a small piece on page 13: 'Local industrialist's son slams layabout posties.'

'Vincent Wong, newly-appointed IT director of Wong Corp, compared our local facilities unfavourably to the opening hours in America. "Something must be done," said bow tie-wearer Wong. "We're in a global market now."

'Sources close to Wong suggest he has passed up the opportunity to invest in local facilities like the Post Office, preferring to splash millions on a sinister secret technology laboratory.

'"It's a kick in the teeth for our local way of life," said postie James Nicholls.' It's certainly an interesting spin on the story.

'You have 13 people here to see you,' our receptionist Dolores said when I arrived.

All 13 were local inventors, looking for jobs. One, who smelt faintly of cats, had brought in his patent pending CyberTie. 'How is it different to a normal bow tie?' I asked.

'I'll tell you if you give me a job,' he said. 'Otherwise, I'll take it to the opposition. And the local paper.

'By the way, you won't expect us to work Wednesday afternoons, will you?

You're not in California now you know.'