"Put up and shut up" - the normalisation of sexual harassment in tech

Too often, companies are concerned with protecting themselves and senior staff before they think about how to protect the victim

Statistics on the sexual harassment of women working in the technology industry make grim reading. Findings published last year by the Women Who Tech network show that 48 per cent of women working in tech had experienced harassment and 42 per cent had witnessed it. 35 per cent of the women who were harassed were propositioned for sex, and 18 per cent propositioned in exchange for a promotion.

There are many women working in commercial roles for enterprise technology vendors and distribution and reseller channel for whom sexual harassment has been an omnipresent part of their careers. As this woman, who began her career in tech distribution explains, the objectification of women on tech sales floors is simply part of the culture:

"It was just very much part of the culture and there were all sorts of comments in the workplace around how you were dressed and inappropriate conversation across the office floor, which was just considered comical."

Exploiting women

I write as a former tech sales employee who was once taken aside by one of the most senior men in my organisation and advised to wear more make up and "have my colours done," so I can empathise with the sadness and anger that women in tech sales feel when they realise that no matter how capable or clever they are, a key determinant of their career success is how they look. Another woman, now in a very senior role herself, reflects on the way that tech companies employ younger women.

"All of our alliance managers were very attractive women under the age of 30. All of them. I kind of put two and two together at a big UK team party and I saw the way the senior men behaved around these women. These were people who I thought were really smart and capable and fair but give them a couple of drinks and a choice between talking to someone like me, or a male, or a young, pretty girl and I saw it work. I saw why they do it. These women were smart, don't get me wrong, they weren't just hired because they were pretty but the way they looked wasn't a bonus - it was essential. And then I realised, I did those kinds of roles when I was in my twenties and I got those jobs then, because I was blonde, and I was thin. Not because I was capable. I was capable but that's not why I got the job."

Indeed, women working in tech sales roles are sometimes actively encouraged to exploit their "feminine wiles." The whole concept of feminine wiles rests on seduction and trickery. That women are routinely asked to employ these methods suggests that their employers have little faith in their professional abilities.

"We'd have one-to-ones and my male boss would question why I wasn't using my female attributes to help me get in front of more customers," relates another tech sales employee. "Those were actually the words he said to me. I'm not that way inclined at all. I'm a professional and I found it really insulting."

Another woman, working for a tech start up, received a similar suggestion, this time accompanied by the revelation that her employer was relaxed about the prospect of their employee being assaulted, provided they got an order out of it.

"When I told my boss that one of the customers was trying to get me to go on a date with him, even though he was married, and that when I had taken the customer and the partner out for drinks, he got very handsy and inappropriate he said, ‘Well, do whatever you have to do to get the PO.'"

Managing harassment

When you understand that many of the women who sell technology solutions hear a message that they're there at least partly because of how they look, and combine that with stubbornly persistent attitudes towards women held by some men, the fact that colleagues and customers sometimes objectify and harass women is unsurprising. Equally unsurprising is the fact that the women in question - usually at a junior stage in their careers and subordinate to the harasser - often put up with it and somehow try to manage the situation themselves rather than asking for help.

This was the case for a woman who was subjected to a sustained campaign of harassment from one particular individual around seven years ago, when she was a much earlier stage of her career with a cyber security business. I ask her why she spent months feeling uncomfortable before one particular incident tipped her over the edge into reporting the individual concerned.

"I asked the VP of HR what would happen if someone was being inappropriate to me and making me feel uncomfortable. She replied that there would be a whole investigation and that I should prepare myself for confronting this person with my accusations whilst they investigated. I think at that point in my career, and in my life, that was too much confrontation for me to deal with."

This campaign of harassment continued for months with the women concerned continually declining invitations which became steadily more inappropriate and being sent messages about her appearance. Eventually this campaign of harassment took a more physical turn with an outright assault.

During this time the woman concerned had shared some reservations with her team, and as it turned out they were rather more supportive than she expected. The problem was that it still led to the confrontation that she was trying to avoid.

"They must have said something to somebody else in leadership because it got back to him. And he called me saying, ‘A little bird told me that you don't like working for me and that you're not very happy in your role. And I was just wondering, is there anything I can do to make that better?' He spoke in a very sarcastic tone and sounded almost threatening."

This attempt to intimidate, along with the assault, proved to be the final straw.

"I went to my trusted person in leadership, and I explained everything that had been going on for the last six months. He was really supportive. I was nervous about involving the CEO because I was scared of retribution but the person I went to assured me that this wouldn't happen."

Fortunately, it didn't, and the harasser was fired. It's a painful story to hear, not least because despite it being a very male-dominated environment, the male colleagues who the woman confided in were actually very supportive. She was believed. The person who put her off reporting it much earlier was the female VP of HR.

This illustrates two things. Firstly, the more confrontational aspects of reporting harassing behaviour need to be reconsidered. Secondly, even the few women at executive level don't necessarily have the power to help or be an ally of women who are harassed because the protocols, frameworks and contractual conditions, such as mandatory arbitration, work to protect the person accused of harassment, rather than the victim of it.

Acknowledge the problem

In too many cases, the first instincts of tech companies on hearing of harassing or inappropriate behaviour is to try and hush it up. The health and welfare of the victim is a secondary consideration to the reputation of the company - and the men - involved. This is what happened at Google, the parent company of which recently reached a $310 million settlement on a shareholder lawsuit accusing the board of mishandling multiple cases of sexual harassment and misconduct by executive employees.

Silencing tactics were also deployed against the woman advised by her boss to use her feminine wiles to get face time with customers. The same boss changed his attitude when she became pregnant with her third child.

"He started to question my abilities in the role, started to take work away from me and give it across to other people within the business - even things that I was actively working on. I reflected on all of this during my maternity leave and decided that I wasn't going back. I raised it with the HR and told them about him inviting me for lunches at his house, exposed the drinking, the culture amongst the team and the things that were going on within that environment.

"I'd taken screenshots of some inappropriate WhatsApp conversations and also some within Microsoft Teams to provide some evidence. But they wouldn't allow me access to my laptop to give them that proof. When the HR report came back, they said that there wasn't enough evidence to support the case. It was covered up because he is a well-respected person within the business and so it's just seen as acceptable."

The tech industry collectively claims to want greater diversity in its ranks, yet at the same time sends out a message that women don't really belong there, unless they can use their femininity for commercial gain. Women who want to progress their careers have to find a way to move past these expectations without also coming off as being aggressive or negative because they'll be punished for that as well, particularly in sales environments where being positive is viewed as a crucial attribute.

It seems a statement of the obvious to say that tolerating sexual harassment shouldn't be a pre-requisite for women pursuing a career in tech sales. But right now, greater awareness of the challenges women face in the industry isn't always translating into support for those who face them. If tech employers want to stop women quitting their ranks, it needs to first acknowledge that it has a problem, stop ignoring or rewarding the more toxic aspects of tech sales culture, and address long held expectations that women employees can and should exploit their womanhood for the benefit of their employers.